on 23 November 2007Facebook Inc has sold a 1.6 percent stake to Microsoft Corp for $240 million [... valuing] Facebook at $15 billion – a stunning figure for an online hangout started in a Harvard dorm room less than four years ago.
Following weeks of speculation, Microsoft has confirmed that it will pay $240 million for this page, representing a 0.08% stake in MacUser. The deal values the magazine as a whole at $29.28bn, although in keeping with newsstand tradition the actual sale price would be rounded up to 29.95, of which WH Smith would take 29.
Microsoft’s buy-in is the latest chapter in the rags-to-riches story of MacUser, which was famously created just four years ago in a student bedsit by founder Felix Dennis, although it was quite a large bedsit that looked a bit like an office full of journalists, and Felix was more of a self-made millionaire entrepreneur than a student, and it was 22 years ago, but let’s not split hairs.
Questioned on whether MacUser’s ethos of helping to make computers easier to use was at odds with Microsoft’s core values, CEO Steve Ballmer responded: ‘MacUser is a sort of parasitical organism that feeds off Apple. It carps about everything Apple does while secretly thinking it totally rocks. Without Apple’s stuff to reproduce all the time it wouldn’t even exist. See? MacUser and Microsoft have lots in common.’
Asked whether the amount paid for page 122 was excessive, Ballmer commented: ‘The valuation of MacUser is still to be determined.’ When a small child pointed out that, by paying a certain amount of money for a certain percentage, he had in effect determined the valuation, and the question was whether he’d got it right or wrong, Ballmer repeated the same words faster in a different order until everyone went away.
Speculation had focused on identifying the MacUser page most likely to be Microsoft’s target. According to analysts, page 26 offers the highest return on investment, since it’s right up the front of the reviews but there isn’t actually any writing on it except a listing that isn’t even in alphabetical order. Kenny Hemphill’s analysis page was also hotly tipped because he’s always right, until it was pointed out that this quality is not highly valued in the magazine industry. The choice of the back page surprised the market, as its demographic – people with a somewhat jaded sense of humour – substantially overlaps the existing user base of Microsoft products.
As part of the new Microsoft/MacUser marketing platform, the personal information, Internet browsing history and bank account details of all readers will be passed automatically to selected companies who will ship relevant goods to their door 24 hours a day unless they tick an ambiguously labelled box at the bottom of the eighth in a series of ten options screens that doesn’t display properly in Safari. ‘Privacy is our number one concern,’ emphasised MacUser editor Nik Rawlinson, adding that he was a banana.
Google has struck back with the launch of OpenDross, an editorial content system developed in conjunction with rival magazine MacSpace. The technology means users will no longer have to pay for expertly written reviews and features, but can upload their own turgid, misspelled drivel about Mac products free of charge via a Dashboard widget. To aid navigation, content will be tagged with keywords such as ‘turgid’, ‘drivel’ and ‘mispeled’.
Produced on this Web 2.0 model, next month’s issue of MacSpace consists of 1,435,712 pages of advertising, some of which pop out as soon as you open the magazine while others play irritating animations. A narrow column of editorial down the middle of each page is set in Times Roman, but actually appears in Times Cyrillic, with a box stuck over it saying you’ve been specially selected to win a free PC worth $$$. Translated, the text consists of an endless stream of posts between the same three users flaming each other for wrongly predicting the launch of a solid state ultraportable MacBook.
A pilot issue of MacUser is currently being produced using Microsoft’s competing system, FreeOpenEveryoneTrueXML, which as the name suggests is only available to Microsoft Office users, not free and not based on XML. Initial reports of serious bugs were withdrawn after Microsoft said it was supposed to be like that, and beta testers have moved on to figuring out the message on the cover that warns them the magazine is not compatible with the current version of itself.
Meanwhile, some Microsoft shareholders expressed concern on learning that, according to the wording of the contract, the $240m only buys page 122 of the current edition, not future issues. Questioned about the deal, Ballmer insisted: ‘We didn’t make a mistake. We bought the right page at the right time. Today, MacUser is very, very popular. Next week, maybe not so much. You know, like Internet Explorer.’
Google is now understood to be in negotiations with columnist Jennifer McRobbie for her page in MacUser Vol 23 No 25. However, a Google spokesperson played down suggestions that the Christmas issue might command an even higher price. ‘In dotcom finance, every day is Christmas,’ he explained.
Adam Banks could not be reached for comment on the Microsoft investment, as one of the supermodels had spilled suntan lotion on the satphone.
adambanksdotcom @gbarl Bah, missed your Watchdog. Do they do it on iPlayer?