An advertising campaign about nothing

The Mojave Experiment involved 140 participants, who had never used Windows Vista before. They were asked to trial ‘Mojave’, the ‘next Microsoft OS’. What they didn’t know was that Mojave was actually Windows Vista in disguise.

Microsoft is planning a $300 million advertising campaign starring Jerry Seinfeld in an attempt to counter the success that Apple has had with their PC vs Mac ads.

The coffee shop, late afternoon.
JERRY: It’s Vista, isn’t it?
GEORGE: Jerry, how many times? It is not Vista. I would tell you if it was Vista. It is not Vista.
KRAMER: Because, Jerry, you don’t wanna take this deal advertising an operating system that’s already been on sale, what, a year and a half, and nobody cares. Brrr.
ELAINE: He’s right, George. This would not look good.
GEORGE: You’ve made your point, can I make mine? I talked to the Microsoft guys. The name of the product we’re gonna advertise is… Mojave.
JERRY: Mojave? Isn’t that a cocktail?
GEORGE: It’s a desert.
JERRY: I know it’s a desert, I’m saying it sounds like it might also be a cocktail. Or one of those new bottled spirits. ‘Mojave – Extra Dry’.
ELAINE: Are they serious? Who calls an operating system Mojave?
GEORGE: Oh yeah, like you would know all about operating systems.
ELAINE: Yes, I would say I know a little about operating systems. Of course I personally prefer Mac OS X.
GEORGE: Well there you go. You don’t say ‘Mac OS X’. It’s not like Malcolm X, like it’s rejected its slave name. It’s just version ten. You say ‘ten’. You spell it ‘X’ but you say it ‘ten’. Which you would know if you knew operating systems.
ELAINE: Oh, hark at Bill Gates there.
JERRY: Now, see, there is a kind of resemblance. We could do something with that.
GEORGE: (Ignoring him) I also know who’s directing the commercial. Michel Gondry.
ELAINE: The ‘Be Kind, Rewind’ guy?
KRAMER: I loved that movie.
ELAINE: Why does everyone love that movie?
KRAMER: How could you not love that movie?
ELAINE: How about, it sucked?
GEORGE: Michel Gondry is one of the most creative directors working in cinema today. This commercial is gonna be groundbreaking. Groundbreaking!
ELAINE: Don’t tell me. Two lovable mental defectives are left in charge of a copy of Mac OS X…
GEORGE: Ten.
ELAINE: …but they accidentally erase it. Then they spend the rest of the film trying to reconstruct it in an amusingly amateurish way, and presto, the result is Windows Vista.
GEORGE: Mojave. It’s Mojave. Am I not talking? Am I only imagining I’m talking? Is this talking only in my head? Mojave.
KRAMER: I heard something about that Mojave.
GEORGE: Oh, you heard something.
KRAMER: Yeah. I heard they made it all up. Mojave is actually… Vista.
GEORGE: What? You heard wrong. You heard dead wrong there. What you heard was wrong.
JERRY: Wait – Mojave is Vista?
GEORGE: Ah. Ah.
JERRY: We’ve been suckered.
GEORGE: But Jerry, listen…
JERRY: The deal’s off.
GEORGE: You’re reneging out of the deal? We had a deal.
JERRY: Reneging? I’m not reneging. You’re the one reneging, with your Vista/Mojave switcheroo.
GEORGE: Switcheroo?
KRAMER: Yeah, you better think again Mojumbo.
JERRY: Mojumbo! That’s a cocktail.
ELAINE: You’re thinking of a mojito.
GEORGE: Whatever it is, I need a strong one.

Jerry’s apartment, one week later.
JERRY: And after the Mojito/Vienna fiasco, I’m going to listen to you now?
ELAINE: Mojave.
KRAMER: Vista.
Jerry glares at them.
GEORGE: I’m serious. I got us a new gig.
JERRY: ‘Gig?’ It’s a ‘gig’ now? What are you, Mr Show Business?
GEORGE: You can mock. Mock away. Mocking’s all you got. What do I got?
JERRY: The syntax of Edward G Robinson?
GEORGE: A new gig. A new gig, Jerry, got by me, for us. I would think a person could show some gratitude.
JERRY: What is this gig anyway?

Blank white studio set. JERRY and GEORGE stand centre stage. A closed door leads off.
JERRY: I’m a Mac.
GEORGE: And I’m a PC.

The door crashes open as KRAMER enters through it. Pause for audience reaction.
KRAMER: I’m Linux. What?
Credits roll.

Adam Banks used to be funny in the 1990s.

First published in MacUser, 12 September 2008

Tagged as: Apple, Mac, Media, Microsoft, Seinfeld