System of a down

BILL GATES: Hello and welcome to the launch of Windows 2000.
US JOURNALIST #1: It’s fantastic!
US JOURNALIST #2: Quiet, he hasn’t started yet.
BILL GATES: This is a huge millstone for Microsoft. I’m sorry, I’ll read that again. This is a huge milestone for Microsoft…
US JOURNALIST #1: Just a minute. Why are you wearing that beard?
BILL GATES: I’m emulating Steve Jobs’ charismatic presentational style.
US JOURNALIST #2: It’s not so that those Department of Justice agents won’t recognise you?
BILL GATES: Hahaha, you guys crack me up.
US JOURNALIST #2: Yeah, with a bit of luck.
BILL GATES: He-hem, now, here to demonstrate Windows 2000 is Star Trek, er, star, Patrick Stewart. Patrick, tell the people what we’re going to do with this incredible new operating system!
PATRICK STEWART: Make it slow.
BILL GATES: I told them we should have got the blind one. Anyway…
US JOURNALIST #2: So what does it actually do?
BILL GATES: I’m getting to that. Windows 2000 blah blah broad and rich blah blah enterprise scalability blah blah transaction support blah blah key technology blah blah richness of the pre-digital blah blah critical mass blah blah Internet Internet Internet.
US JOURNALIST #1: Oh, cool!
BILL GATES: So there you are. Any questions?
US JOURNALIST #2: What happened to the new consumer operating system?
BILL GATES: It’s almost finished.
US JOURNALIST #2: Almost?
BILL GATES: Yeah… we’ve got as far as the name. It’s called Windows Mmmm.
US JOURNALIST #2: Does it do anything new?
BILL GATES: No, but it comes with curly fries and a BBQ dip. Any more questions?
US JOURNALIST #1: Better not, I’ve got to go and file my copy for three magazines and 72 technology-themed content portals.
BILL GATES: OK. By the way, what will you be writing about the 63,000 bugs?
US JOURNALIST #1: What 63,000 bugs?
BILL GATES: Perfect. Bye then.
US JOURNALIST #1: Hahaha! I just got it. Enterprise – next generation – Patrick Stewart. You guys crack me up.
BILL GATES: We’ve already done that one.
US JOURNALIST #2: You should have had David Duchovny from The X-Files.
BILL GATES: Why, because Windows is supernaturally excellent?
US JOURNALIST #2: No, because with every new edition you seem to lose the plot.

First published in MacUser, 3 March 2000

Tagged as: Business, MacUser, Microsoft, Windows